Relationships are where we invest a lot of our energy, as it seems we are all programmed to put love as the top priority on our list. This is also where we learn and grow as people, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Approaching my forties now, I have many relationships and one marriage behind me, and I would like to share with you what I have learned from them.
There are no failures, only lessons
People often talk about ‘failed relationships’ and ‘failed marriages’, but I don’t regard any of my past relationships as failures. What did they fail in, duration? If they failed in duration, they didn’t fail in integrity and honesty, there was love and there was commitment, but when love was gone and my interests shifted in different directions than those of my partner’s, it was time to be honest and move on. There are no guarantees in love, and it usually does come with an expiration date, which is perfectly normal. You learn what you were supposed to learn from each and every person you were with and you apply these valuable gems of wisdom in your next relationship.
Acceptance is your healing
I have come to understand, and I must say it took me a while to reach this place, that acceptance heals all. I don’t mean accepting bad behavior, abuse or anything like that, I mean accepting the truth of your situation whatever it may be. Clinging on to something that has run its course will only make things worse, and it is much better to brave up and face the truth. Accept that love is gone, accept the other person does not love you anymore, accept the fact you don’t want to be in a relationship any longer … and then do what you know you have to do, from the integrity of your heart.
Break-ups don’t have to be messy
My ten year long marriage ended recently. There was no cheating or lying, we simply both changed and we stopped having feelings for each other, our lives turned into a dull routine. There was no drama, we sat and discussed it calmly and openly. Of course it was sad, but it was also a relief for the both of us. The paperwork was easy too – filing for divorce in California can be done online without much fuss and seeing lawyers, so it was quick and simple. Naturally, it took a few months to get over it, but we both dealt with it well: I went backpacking in Asia all by myself to find my peace and he volunteered in Africa to heal his self-worth by being of service.
There is a higher plan
I have become aware of the role the universe is playing in my relationships, as the third party. Sometimes I would really want to be with someone and push for a committed relationship, and the universe would keep sending me signs to drop it and move on. I’d still insist and get hurt in the end. Other times, I had no interest in a person initially, but the universe would send me plenty of signs to get to know this person and give them a chance, and when I listened, it would turn out to be something good for me. So I have learned to pay attention, to signs, to my intuition, to my dreams, and follow the guidance, it is there for a reason.
I really believe that we can learn a lot from all our relationships and become better human beings, more compassionate and understanding, more loving and more open to what our life wants to bring to us. In the end, it is all about how much you have loved and what you have learned.
Written by the Lifestyle Blogger of http://highstylife.com