I was talking to John last night and somehow the conversation wandered into the topic of our blogs and the things that we have written for them. He said that we had written a lot, but then said “You know, I’d really like to read about what it was that drew you to me.” At first I was a little confused, because I thought I had already wrote about that. Turns out that I haven’t actually. Not really, anyways. So here it is;
When John first started interacting with me in the Skype group we were part of, it was all just fun and games. I didn’t single him out, I just talked to him like everyone else in the chat. Probably a little less, to be honest, haha. My view of him was that he was some goofy guy who was sort of like… Full of himself? I don’t really even know! Anyways, he started pestering me a lot and I didn’t know why. I knew that he had a huge thing for one of the girls in the group. Eventually I just sort of figured I would add him to my contact list. Mostly because I had added everyone else as well.
He started messaging me everyday after that. Saying good morning to me, asking how my day was going and all that fun stuff. He became aware of the fact that I was in a relationship at the time, though not a good one, and I obviously knew that he was planning to ask out that girl. What I found funny though is that he then said something along the lines of “Alright, so we both, sort of, have people in our lives. Now I don’t feel bad just joking around!” When he said that, it honestly set up a red flag for me. I didn’t want to even consider dating a guy who thought it would be okay to joke around with other girls behind my back… Personal opinion here. Then again, he wasn’t actually dating that girl yet, so I reconsidered.
Either way, over the course of quite a few weeks, I was already really starting to like him. He was giving me so much attention and was always so excited and happy about spending time with me. I wasn’t used to it and I loved it. He knew how to keep me laughing and was really charming with his random compliments to me that would seemingly come out of nowhere. By that point, there wasn’t a day where we didn’t talk. The thought of not talking to him just felt strange.
But this all also confused me. He liked this other girl more, did he not? Why did he spend so much time with me then? Not only that, but I was also having a hard time figuring out how or if I was ready to end my current relationship. Was I ready to end something that I had been in for 6 years to start something new with someone so far away? Or was it just the attention from John that I was liking?
And then I learned the more personal side of him.
He opened up to me about his living situation, how his life had been up till then and how his family treated him. I learned a lot about him. And I think it was learning all of this that shaped my feelings into something that I could finally understand. Before me, I seen a man who wanted nothing more then to try and make everyone happy, help people in need and to try and make his best contribution in the world. A man who deserved everything and who needed someone to be there for him.
I wanted to be that person.
It is why I couldn’t even fathom the thought of not talking to him anymore. I knew that I made him happy. And he made me happy as well. I wanted to continue being the person who made him happy, the person who he could come to when he needed help or just someone to listen. That beautiful smile of his became my ultimate daily goal. There was no way that I could give him up and hurt him. Not only would it have been hurting him though, I knew that I would be hurting myself. He had become part of my life and made me happy like I had never felt before. I couldn’t be without him.
With this realization, it was easy to do the right thing.
Meeting John has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. ♥