Sometimes I think people may jump into an LDR thinking; “Hey, this’ll be easy!” They may not think about all the little details that come with being in a long distance relationship. Maybe they think they won’t need to dedicate as much time or as much money to it. Maybe they believe they don’t have to take it seriously. Perhaps they are even just using an LDR to fill the gap of loneliness until they can find somebody closer.
But I can tell you that all of this is wrong.
People may look at LDR’s and see them as something that is not a ‘normal’ relationship, as those you see everyday. But in reality, an LDR should be thought of and treated exactly the same as any other ‘normal’ relationship.
Honestly, what is a normal relationship anyways? Two people who meet, fall in love and want a future together. With this definition, what then, is the difference between a close distance relationship and a long distance one? There isn’t. The only difference is that one person happened to fall in love with someone who lived down the street and the other person happened to fall in love with someone who lived in another country. Is that something that deserves to be criticized?
If you love someone, no matter how close or how far they are, you are going to be willing to do anything in your power to make it work.
With all of that in mind, I would like to give a little bit of my personal advice on things to ask yourself before diving into an LDR.
► Are you willing to make time for this relationship?
Whether you are unemployed and not going to school, or work full time and have extracurricular activities, if you are not willing to find a way to fit time into your schedule for this relationship, it will not work. LDR’s depend heavily on communication and if you can never be there for your partner when they need you and never put in any effort to just spend time with them, they will quickly feel neglected.
► Do you have the money for this?
Unfortunately, this may be something you have to consider. While I don’t believe you should base your decision souly on this alone, you do at least have to come to terms with one of two things. If you do currently make enough money, a lot of it will likely go towards seeing each other and closing the distance. Are you willing to make that sacrifice?
If you do not currently make enough money, are you and your partner willing to accept the fact that you will not get to see each other as often as you would like, until you do?
► Are you serious about this relationship?
Just because your partner lives so many miles away, doesn’t mean you can take the relationship less seriously. Treat it like you would if they lived next door. They still want your attention and they still need to feel loved. If you think you are only considering an LDR because you are lonely and will continue to pursue someone who lives closer, DON’T DO IT. Nobody deserves to be used like that. If you are going to enter an LDR with someone, you have to take it seriously! Which will involve eventually closing the distance. Which brings me to;
► Are you willing to eventually, possibly, make the big move?
Now, if your partner is the one who will end up moving to where you live, then there isn’t all that much for you to worry about. Other then, of course, making them feel as welcome as possible and helping/supporting them.
However, if your partner wants you to be the one to move where they live, are you willing to do this? Are you willing to gather all your belongings and leave everything else behind in order to ultimately be with them?
► Can you handle the distance?
You might think “Why would I even be considering this if I didn’t think I could?” but you really have to think about it. At first, you may be thinking that it couldn’t be that hard or that you’ve already gone this long without seeing them, so why would the difficulty change now? The answer is because it definitely won’t get any easier the more you fall in love with them. You have to make sure that you can handle not being able to kiss them when you want to, not being able to cuddle when you want to and basically just not having all those physical aspects of a relationship when you want them. You also have to make sure you can learn ways of being there for your partner when they need you, despite being so far, and how to handle arguments. You won’t be able to hug or kiss the anger away. In an LDR, you will actually have to TALK to them.
There are probably some more things that you might want to consider, but I think that these are the main basic things to ask yourself before entering an LDR with someone. Even I went through all of these thoughts when I started falling for John, but for me, the answers all came easily. I had no doubts in my mind and I was, and still am, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to ultimately be with John in the end. I love him with all my heart and starting this LDR with him was the best decision I’ve ever made.